The Unmarked Grave

In the late 1960's my parents bought the two plots at Greenwood Cemetery next to Mama's mother and father, and they also went on and ordered a monument for themselves, which has stood on those plots ever since, awaiting the time when a death date inscription would need to be added. Like many other couples, it's one monument with both their names, of course.

The company who handles this removed the monument shortly after Mama's burial for inscription, but we learned this week that there had been an error made that could not be fixed -- they inscribed the date of death on Daddy's side. The monument company is going to make this right: they acted honorably, and aside from the fact that we would rather it not have happened, we can't and won't complain about how they handled the situation.

We all heard this news and were pretty philosophical about it, but still.... it became the latest little landmine for me.

I have not returned to the cemetery since Mama was buried there. Some families are Visitors to Cemeteries, but that hasn't been part of our tradition so I just had in my mind that when the monument was back in place it would feel like things had been put to paid and I'd feel right being there for a visit.

So now we have this delay, which may well be 3 months or more, and I just got emotionally blindsided hearing this. I couldn't really sort out why until I talked it out with a good friend. She is so wise, and here's what she said in response to my saying that I wasn't sure why I was so upset, given that it is "just a hunk of stone."

"No, it's not just a hunk of stone. It's the hunk of stone your Mom and Dad purchased over 45 years ago and planned for you to come visit after they were gone. It's a huge deal."


Here's the thing about friends, and pouring out your heart, and listening when they respond with grace and wisdom:  As soon as she put into words what I was having trouble articulating and thereby honored my sadness, it was largely dispelled.

This is why it is so important, I think, to share the hard things, and it helps if you have wise friends.

My sister and I have marked our calendars for April. It will be pretty there in the spring.

"Do not protect yourself from grief by a fence, but rather by your friends."-- Czech Proverb